可怜的法国号乐手
看看可怜的法国号乐手的罚单http://horninsights.com/2011/05/20/orchestra-fines-for-horn-players/#comments 好几项感觉不太可能发生;P Orchestra Fines for Horn Players
Coming Late to rehearsal: $100
Coming Late to Performance: $500
Not Showing up at All: $400
Forgetting music: $50
Forgetting instrument: $100
Bringing wrong instrument: $150
Not noticing: $250
Not warming up: $50
Obnoxious show-off warm-up: $500
Playing highest note possible during warm-up: $107
Warming up with Principal Horn’s solos: Lethal Injection
Staring at Principal during solo: Burning at stake
Emptying water during Principal’s solo: Electrocution
Giving advice to principal after a clam: Hanging
Playing principal’s solo correctly after principal clams: Applause, followed by being fed to piranhas.
Pointing out to principal that Player X on your CD at home never misses that solo: Firing squad
Telling principal after a clam what your teacher always told you: Dismemberment
Humming along with principal during solo: $500
Playing along with principal during solo: $1000
Badly: $10,000, dismissal, and an appearance on Jay Leno
Leaving brand new copy of Kopprasch on principal’s stand after principal clams the last note of Short Call: $8
Blaming clam on prescription medication: $20
Blaming clam on violas: $5
Blaming clam on conductor: $2
Blaming clam on weather: $40
Blaming clam on Bush: $1
Surcharge for blaming clam on anyone/anything: $100
Raising hand after clam in rehearsal: $15
Raising hand after clam in concert: $150
Pointing to the player next to you after clam in rehearsal: $50
Same, in concert: $500
Bad intonation: $50
On purpose: $500
Taking solo down an octave: $15
Taking solo up an octave: $150
Playing wrong piece: $250
Not noticing: $500
Tapping foot: $10
Tapping both feet: $50
Not together: $100
Playing Bb when oboe tunes the orchestra: $75
Faking section into early entrance: $10
Faking self into early entrance: $50
Missing entrance while reading bestseller: $10
Missing entrance while talking to colleague: $20
Missing entrance while sleeping: $30
Missing entrance while counting carefully: $50
Missing entrance and conductor doesn’t notice: $100 bonus in paycheck
Not knowing the count when the player to your left gives you a panicked look: $15
Not knowing who the player on your left is: $25
Failure to transpose: $25
Transposing to the wrong key: $15
Asking colleague how to transpose: $50
Asking conductor how to transpose: $100
During concert: $500
Asking conductor if part in question is B alto or B basso: $500
Playing too loud: $20
Playing too soft: $5
Forgetting mute: $10
Dropping mute: $20
Twice: $100
During solo: $200
Twice: $400
Dropping horn: $100 (plus repairs)
Forgetting to transpose with brass mute: $30
Forgetting pencil: $25
Using pen instead: $75
Forgetting to wear concert dress: $50
Forgetting to bathe: $75
Repeat violations: $150
Forgetting mouthpiece: $20
Forgetting to put on screw rim: $25 + medical bills
Bragging about horn make and model: $250
Unresolved digestive tract issues: $20
During first horn’s solos: $40
Repeat violations: $80
Playing only swing 8th notes: $35
Beginning sentence: “When I subbed in Chicago”: $75
Beginning sentence: “Who is this Beethoven guy?”: $750
Coming drunk to rehearsal: $50
Coming drunk to concert: $100
Practicing drunk: $250
Giggling during viola solos: $5
Continuously asking “Where are we?”: $25
Sucking up to conductor after rehearsal: $30
Sucking up to conductor during rehearsal: $40
Sucking up to conductor after concert: $50
Sucking up to conductor during concert: $300
Pretending to be friends with string players: $10
Actually being friends with string players: $20
Lending money to string players: $50
Dating string players: $75
(If string player is violist, all fines doubled)
Pretending to be friends with conductor: $500
Dating conductor: $1000
我滴个去，该说啥呢:L 迟到罚500,根本不来只罚400? 好在乐手们都还是比较有钱的········
我记得有个片段（不知道对不对），有次詹姆斯 高威去银行贷款，银行怀疑他的经济能力，当高威说自己是柏林爱乐的首席长笛手以后，银行二话没说就答应了······ 可怜的号手，跟首席结下了梁子...
首席独奏时瞪着首席：火刑柱
首席独奏时上厕所：电刑
首席独奏出臭提建议：绞刑
首席独奏出臭以后，正确演奏同样的段落：鼓掌，然后喂食人鱼
向首席指出，你CD里面的某演奏家，那段独奏从不出错：枪毙
首席独奏出臭以后，告诉他你的老师告诉你的话：车裂 首席独奏时跟着哼：罚款500
首席独奏时跟着演奏：罚款1000
责备中提琴出错：罚款5元
责备指挥出错：罚款2元
责备布什出错：罚款1元
哈哈，谁都可以得罪，哪怕是总统，首席不能得罪。 Leaving brand new copy of Kopprasch on principal’s stand after principal clams the last note of Short Call: $8
这个好像太专业了，看不懂。专业号手解释一下？ Dating conductor: $1000？和指挥约会也要罚钱？还是我理解错了。。。。。:L 这里面的逻辑确实看不懂………有点厉害啊……… 真行啊，这也能搞到:lol :lol
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